DESTIGMATIZE RAISINETTES
We need to talk about something that’s been gnawing at me for far too long—the absolute injustice surrounding Raisinets. Yes, those chocolate raisins are the victims of relentless bullying and it's high time we stick up for them… and the people who enjoy them. To be clear, that’s not me, just want to support the people that do like them.
“Every time I go see a movie, I dread the look from the snack bar employee. Even if they don’t make eye contact with me, I can feel the disdain dripping from their drawstring hoodie. I scurry off to my theater with my tail between my legs, hoping no onlookers gaze upon my chocolate-covered shame,” says an anonymous source, who is definitely not me. How can we allow the 20 people that like Raisinets to live in fear like this?
Critics will say, “They’re just raisins dipped in chocolate!” So what? You don’t see anyone shitting all over chocolate-covered strawberries! Why does society deem it acceptable for some fruits to be celebrated while others are shunned? Raisins deserve better! Don’t get me started on the reactions towards oatmeal raisin cookies. “EW! RAISIN! I THOUGHT THIS WAS CHOCOLATE! THIS IS THE REASON I HAVE TRUST ISSUES.” Shut up and lay off the facebook memes, you pathetic millennial kill-joy contrarians. Someone who likes those cookies, definitely not me, would have to go to the back corner of a party to eat one of those in peace. But back to the POINT: Raisinets.
Some will say, “Those are for grandmas!” as an insult. Oh, you mean this snack is for people who have made choices to keep not only themselves but their families alive through the harshness of the developing world? Raisinets are the foundation of generational prosperity and growing culture. Not to mention that using the elderly as an insult clearly shows they’re a fucked up person. So, yeah! Sick burn! NOT!
I am si- I mean, the person who likes raisinets is SICK of this. The pressure to conform to society’s sugary norms is suffocating! But listen up: their mockery is a testament to our - I mean YOUR bravery. We’re not just snacking; we’re making a statement! Because in this house we believe love is love, science is real, women’s rights are human rights, and RAISINETS ARE A VALID SNACK CHOICE!
