A Modern & Modest Proposal: How Getting a Monthly Abortion Can Help Boost the Economy
Ladies, non-binary folks: what is more annoying than your monthly flow? Only maybe everything that comes with it! What if I told you there was a birth control-free way of ridding yourself of the red menace once and for all? It sounds too good to be true but it’s not!
It is up to the uterus carriers of the United States to help rebirth financial stability for generations to come. That’s why I’m suggesting that once a month (or so) anyone who can get pregnant, should, and abort the fetus.
Some in the past (a man) have suggested something just as drastic, to protect the wealth of the country. However, nipping a pregnancy in the bud just makes more sense - way more practical! Demanding that a woman carry a baby to term for, essentially, one free meal? A meal she has to share? No thanks, Jonathan Swift!
Hear me out before you close your computer in a rage. Yes, what I’m suggesting may seem a bit extreme, but desperate times call for desperate measures. These sacrifices now ensure future generations have a better chance of building lasting wealth. Let me explain:
The benefits of no more cramps, bloating, or bleeding are one thing but, the monetary impact will be huge. Even if half your local baby-making population takes part, that’s about $1000 spent a month, per womb. Right into the local economy. Huge come up! And who’s to say you can be limited to just one a month? Those of us who are extra fertile could bump up the numbers even more, and try for a twice-monthly abortion. Talk about girl power!
Aside from the outright cost pouring into the United State’s economic coffers, the jobs that will be created are exponential. Every hospital will need an OB/GYN on staff to accommodate the increased demand. This will also encourage the study of medicine and obstetrics in general. The money young adults spend on schooling will impregnate their community with the financial freedom to improve the lives of everyone.
The whole thing will continue to snowball and trickle down through the economic classes until even the most helpless of us feel the benefit. I know it sounds hard, and even scary for some, but the strength of women is undying and never goes unnoticed.
Realistically, we could be talking about the rebirth of the Middle Class. I mean, what’s a little snip and scrape if it means that America can heal? It's up to us to do our part for our country, because clearly, the boys haven’t figured it out yet. So, get out there and get pregnant!