How Your Snail Trail At The Gym Can Predict Your Future
Have you ever wanted to know the future, to see how things would turn out? Well, look no further than underneath your own sweaty coochie. Yes, that glistening line of juice you leave behind after a workout can be a profound indicator of your destiny! The snail trail, dear readers, is not just a byproduct of physical exertion; it’s a magical manifestation of your inner energy. Each droplet holds significance, revealing the ebbs and flows of your spiritual journey. To begin your divination practice, consider the following interpretations:
The Straight and Steady Line: A smooth, continuous trail signifies clarity and purpose. This indicates you’re moving confidently toward your goals—be it a career advancement or a fulfilling relationship.
The Wobbly or Zigzag Pattern: This often points to inner turmoil or confusion. It’s a gentle nudge from the universe to reflect on your current choices. Perhaps it’s time to let go of what no longer serves you. Like Kyle. Dump Kyle.
The Heart-Shaped Snail Trail: If your sweat forms a heart, rejoice! This is a powerful omen of love and connection. Open your heart to new possibilities and let the love flow as abundantly as your discharge!
The Butterfly: A winged shape indicates you need to spread your legs and fly! Explore a new hobby or insert strange objects into yourself.
A Little Bloody: Go change your pad, the one you’re wearing is full.
No Snail Trail At All: Well aren’t you just better than everyone? Bitch.
After a workout or a sweaty bus ride, take a moment to observe and appreciate your snail trail. Keep a “Snail Trail Dream Journal” to document its shape and size, along with any insights you receive during your practice. Over time, you may notice patterns that align with significant events in your life like your painful breakup with Kyle or when you hit Kyle with your car. As with all divination practices, it’s important to approach this with a curious mind and an open vagina. Why settle for something generic that Costar might say, when your vulva can tell you the same thing?
