Top 5 Best Places to Feel Sorry for Yourself
I have personally vetted each of these spots on my travel blog for both mommies and girls with PICA! Here’s my favorite places that really elevate a pity party.
Frontier Airlines Middle Seat
I have never cried harder than on a flight home from Miami. Not because I was leaving the sunshine, but because the void of no phones or internet made me sit and ponder my ex boyfriend a little too hard. There is nothing to do but be in a tube with your thoughts about how ugly you are, how your airport crush totally isn’t into your pajama flight natural makeup (bare face) look. Plus the only music I have downloaded is Sufjan Stevens’s “Carrie and Lowell” album (you know the one where his mom died?) And that middle seat. Am I allowed to put elbow to arm rest?
Your Hinge Likes Section
I get viscerally angry when I see what gorgons schlep into my hinge likes inbox. It’s so offensive to me that these men exist. Men with weed addictions, men who wear hats on top of their hair, not actually on their head, men with NECKBEARDS? Kill yourself. I often find myself yelling out in fright going through these suitors. I almost feel bad for them….but then I feel worse for myself.
Your Partner’s friend group outing
Say, for example, the friend group annual picnic at the lake. How do I make this about myself? Do NOT participate in conversation, if you know anything about body language, you should try and keep yours closed off. Maybe lean on a tree with your arms folded. You look like the ultimate bad girl! You must train your partner to only have fun when they are with YOU. They are better off with NO friends and just YOU. Who do they think they are without you? Now do your best pout and make them say their tummy hurts so you can leave early.
Designer Shoe Warehouse (DSW)
This place is so trashy, there are boxes everywhere and yet you simply cannot afford the shoes they sell. You got big ass feet and they smell, even when you put on those little mesh condoms they call “try on socks.”
Your Sisters First Communion
When I really want to feel sorry for myself, I retreat into the memories I have filed away to put myself back into when I want to throw a pity party. I remember crying because she got to eat the little bread and have a sip of wine, and I DIDN’T. My parents thought I was crying because I was “so proud of her” but what 6 year old has emotions other than jealousy, rage, and nap? I couldn’t even spell proud if I WANTED TO.