Dinosaurs Upset that T-Rex is the Only One Who Got a Sexy Little Nickname

Millions of years after their extinction, it seems the dinosaur community has risen from the ashes of time with a bone to pick. "He gets all the attention," Stegosaurus grumbled. "Why can't I be 'Stegsy'?" Even the peaceful herbivores like Brachiosaurus are getting upset - "Do you know how many kids would be excited to learn about me if they could call me ‘Brach Attack?’ The whole system is rigged."

Paleontologists are being called out for their role in perpetuating this bias. "We never considered the impact this would have on the self-esteem of other species. It's time for a change," admitted Dr. Susan Diggins, a leading dino expert. T-Rex remains unbothered by the controversy. "Look, I didn't ask for this nickname. It’s not my fault they’re like… in love with me or something."

T-Rex's casual, Cady-Heron-style dismissal has made the other dinosaurs increasingly pissed. "He literally has the tiniest arms I’ve ever seen,” says Brontosaurus “Good luck making your mate cum, buddy.” T-rex’s girlfriend declined to make a statement.

The dinosaurs have gone so far as to make their own coalition, D.I.N.O.C.U.N.T. (Dinosaurs In Need Of Cool Unique Nicknames (like) T-rex). Don Bluth, director of the 1988 smash hit, The Land Before Time, has been brought on the board of DINOCUNT, due to his expert naming of the male Triceratops in his movie, Daddy Topps. “Damn straight,” say Tricerabottoms everywhere. Triceraverses say they could “go either way.”

Whatever comes of this nickname movement, this reporter urges you all to support our prehistoric peers in their time of rebranding. After all, we let Jojo Siwa rebrand.